Staying Sane In An Insane World

Janette's Totally Free Sanity Survival Kit

Let's start with an obvious truth: the world is a mess. And not just an inconvenience kind of mess-we're talking falling into a snake pit kind of disaster.

If you've ever looked at the news, frozen like someone who just realized they replied to a group chat by mistake, and thought, "This cannot be real life," congratulations! You're still tethered to reality. That's more than we can say for about half the population.

But here's the problem: we're expected to function as if none of this is happening. To wake up, work, pay bills, and make small talk about the weather, all while the world around us spirals into chaos. We're told to "stay positive," but when the safety net is being ripped out from under you, that advice feels about as useful as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.

That's where Janette's Totally Free Sanity Survival Kit comes in.

This isn't a guide to fixing the country (that would require Canada and Mexico to open their borders and invite lucid Americans to cross permanently). Some of my relatives originally migrated from our neighbor to the north. I suppose the statute of limitations is closed on that one, though. So take a deep breath. Let's figure out how to navigate this version of reality without spiraling into existential dread.

Step 1: Accept That Everything Is Unhinged

If you wake up, check the news, and immediately want to catapult your phone into the sun, congratulations-you're still sane. The world, however, is not. If wine no longer takes the edge off and you're starting to think a lobotomy might be a reasonable option, you're not alone. Your stress dreams now have sequels, and the worst part? You miss the days when existential anxiety was a 24-hour event, like when some kid in second grade swore the world was ending tomorrow. Back then, you panicked, woke up the next day, and moved on. Now? It's Groundhog Day, and the apocalypse is on a loop.

Step 2: Stop Feeding the Panic Monster

Your brain wasn't built to process this much chaos. Every random noise now triggers the same fight-or-flight response, whether it's society unraveling or your ice machine making that "I'm going to break AGAIN" sound. Constantly refreshing bad news won't change the outcome, but it will guarantee heartburn. Try strategic ignorance instead. Channel that ding dong whose biggest worry is whether they should switch to oat milk, if "haha" or "lol" makes them sound weirder, or the exact right angle for their next selfie. Not knowing every catastrophe in real-time won't kill you-but the stress might. Tell your plants they're doing a great job. Unlike you, they are thriving.

Step 3: Ignore Useless Information

Not everything deserves space in your brain. Some knowledge is just mental pollution. You don't need to know how to become an influencer who gets paid to unbox things on TikTok while you still have to work a real job like a fool. You also don't need to know how many steps your friend took today (this is not a competition, and if it were, you already lost), the exact calorie count of that dessert you already ate (the damage is done, move on), or the correct way to fold a fitted sheet (no one actually knows-just ball it up and shove it in a drawer like the rest of us). Before letting another headline hijack your nervous system, ask yourself: "Do I actually need to know this?" If not, slam the laptop shut and take two Excedrin Migraine as a prophylactic.

Step 4: Reset Before You Spiral

If your brain insists on acting like a hamster on a wheel sprinting toward burnout, hit reset. Do grounding exercises. Follow these steps to remind yourself that you exist in the present moment (unfortunately).

Look around and name five things you can see.

1. A spider in the corner that you now consider a roommate (he's been there for months; you should probably name him).

2. The chair in your house that just holds laundry now and hasn't been sat in since 2017.

3. The mysterious stain on the ceiling you've chosen to ignore.

4. A pile of mail you keep pretending doesn't exist because if you don't open it, it's not your problem.

5. Whatever weird thing your pet is doing right now.

Take in a few things you can smell.

1. A mix of coffee, panic sweat, and that scented candle you bought to "fix your life."

2. That faint, lingering scent of regret-which, if it had a real smell, would probably be a combination of burned toast, an overdrawn bank account, and your ex's cologne.

If that doesn't work, it's time for a mental override. Google bad taxidermy fails. I mean that one. Google it now. You will immediately feel better.

Step 5: Laugh, Let Go, and Keep Moving

You can't fix everything, but you can stop absorbing all of it. Take breaks without guilt. Laugh at the absurdity of…

• The fact that your phone listens to you, but your family doesn't.
• The fact that billionaires are trying to leave Earth instead of fixing it.
• The fact that people were so simple-minded they voted for a guy who actually lied 30,573 times in his first term because they don't trust the other party.

Final Thoughts

This sanity survival kit may be useless in the grand scheme of things, but at least it's free. If nothing else, it reminds you that yes, the world is ridiculous-but you don't have to absorb all of it. Take what helps, ignore what doesn't, and if all else fails… Google bad taxidermy fails. You'll feel better. Promise.